I’m not really sure why I’m writing this – an article without any topic but a plain random thoughts. Maybe I just feel that I really need to be true with myself and write down anything what’s on my heart right now. Today is Christmas day and a lot of people are having fun. In every corner of our streets, there are people partying, drinking, chatting and teasing each other. Here I am in one of the four corners of my bed writing this article and trying to translate my emotions into words. I’m not really sure of what I’m feeling right now. I’m not sad but I can’t say that I’m fully happy. I feel like there is something missing in me. I want to find it but I don’t know where to start.
My mind right now is full of future plans, wildest dreams and imaginations of myself being a successful in life. I can see it clearly that a mature version of myself is starting to evolve. In my 25 years of existence here on earth, I never thought that this day will come when I finally realize that I really need to become more serious in life. I remembered, there were times in my life that I want to freeze the time when I was a child but I’m still clueless why I don’t like to grow. But now, I realized that that the real reason is that I’m afraid of the responsibilities, I don’t like the problems, to feel the pain and brokenness and to be left behind. I always want to go back in time when my only problem is food when I’m hungry then play a toy when already satisfied with the food.
As we grow old, things are becoming more complicated. Even if you do it carefully, it will come naturally and as much as we want to ignore it, it will still happen. I guess all of us are kings and queens of our own lives and those who wear the crown must bear its weight. Life is full of mystery and we have to find it out little by little and slowly because every step we’ll make will define who we are.